Thursday, August 13, 2009

[fifty-three]

Post #2 for tonight, I couldn't wait. This has been written for a month now, I want to RELEASE IT already.



Max

When I felt the bed move, I opened my eyes and looked around the room. Lillianah was no where to be found. I looked down at the ground next to me and saw King hitting his head against the bed. I moved around on the bed so I could bend over and pick him up. I grabbed him by his upper body and dragged him up on to the bed with me. I looked over at the clock and was shocked to see it shinning a very bright 4:03 AM at me. I climbed out of bed and headed in to the bathroom. Where could she be? I grabbed my cellphone off the nightstand and called her number. Straight to voicemail. I shook my head of all the negative thoughts I was having. Dead in an alley, sleeping with some strange guy, running away. I felt my phone vibrate in my hand and looked down to see it was Molly. My stomach contracted and I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. “Hello?” I trembled. “Max, she’s in the hospital. We’re going to get the next flight out. You need to tell the hospital you’re her fiancé so you can see her.” My mouth went dry and my hands began to tremble. “Wh-what happened?” I could hear Molly on the other end of the line take a deep, shaky breath. “She relapsed, she overdosed.” I couldn't breath. What did she mean Lil overdosed? She hasn't touched drugs in over a year? She relapsed? I got the hospital information from Molly and ran around my room throwing clothes on. I raced down to my car and ran almost every red light on my way to the hospital. I ran inside the emergency room and shoved my way to the front desk. "I'm looking for Lillianah Jenkins, I'm her fiancé her mother called me to tell me she's here." The nurse gave me a skeptical look then started typing away at the computer. "You can't see her yet but you can wait in the waiting room down the hall to your right, just let the nurses know who you are." I nodded my head and headed down the hall. That meant she was alive at least right? I made it to the waiting room and sat down, then it hit me. This is my fault. I should have never asked her to marry me so soon. She ran away when I brought up the word 'girlfriend', marriage is a whole different ball game. I drove her to do drugs. More than likely to forget the events that had happened. I held my head in my hands and cried. I did this to her. I put her in the hospital.

"Mr. Talbot?" I wiped my eyes and jumped up making my way toward the nurse. "Yes, that's me, how is she?" "Well we just need to ask you some questions first. Does she have a history with drug abuse?" I slowly nodded my head. "She's been clean for over a year though." I watched as she jotted down on the clipboard she was holding. "She was convulsing when she came in, we gave her a large dose of diazepam and things seem to be getting under control now. She also came in with a temperature of 105, so we are cooling her temp right now. Once she is completely under control we’re going to check for any brain damage or heart damage. Now when you’re allowed to see her don’t be frightened, she has some bruising around the face from the convulsions and she does have a breathing tube in to help her breath. Do you have any questions?” I grabbed on to the counter next to me as I took in all of this information. “Wh-what did she . . . what did she overdose on?” She flipped a sheet on the clipboard up and read a few lines. “Cocaine.” “When can I see her?” A tight frown formed on her lips. “We’re still trying to stabilize her so it could be a few hours, if you want to head home and sleep you can leave your number and we can call you.” I shook my head, “no I’m not leaving.” I walked back to the seat I once occupied. I hung my head and allowed the tears to fall.

I felt my phone vibrating in my hand and opened my eyes to see Flower calling me. “Hello?” I asked with a raspy voice. I cleared my throat a few times, and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I looked around the waiting room and saw that it was 8:30 in the morning. “Where are you? You were suppose to be here thirty minutes ago.” I inhaled sharply as I quickly remembered why I was in a hospital waiting room and that I was suppose to be at practice. “Lil overdosed on cocaine last night, I’ve been at the hospital since 4:30 this morning. I know her parents are on their way here, they were getting on the next flight.” I choked back some tears I felt stinging at my eyes. “I’ll be right there.” I went to protest and tell Flower to stay at practice but before I could the line went dead. I got up from the chair and stretched out my body, cracking my neck in a few places from falling asleep in an odd angle. I headed up to the nurses station and waited patiently for one of them to acknowledge me. “Do you have any news on Lillianah Jenkins?” I asked once one flashed a smile at me. “Are you family?” “Fiancé.” She nodded her head and headed for a stack of charts. She pulled one out and flipped it open. “She started convulsing again about two hours ago, so we issued more diazepam and we’re back on track at getting her 100% stabilized. Once she is, we’re going to send her in for a CT scan.” I nodded my head and headed back to my seat. I could almost see my butt print in the cushion. I heard my stomach grumbled and pulled my phone out, sending a quick text message to Flower asking if he could pick up food on his way. I felt my phone vibrate and I looked down at Flower’s response. Of course, what hospital are you at? I replied back with where we were and slid down in the seat, crossing my arms over my chest. Watching every nurse hoping to hear my name called out letting me know I can go see her.

“Hey.” I looked up in front of me to see Flower handing me a McDonalds bag. “Thanks man,” I mumbled as I pulled a hashbrown out of the bag, nearly shoving the whole thing in my mouth. “Have you heard any news?” He took the seat next to me and pulled a breakfast sandwich out of his own bag. “She started convulsing again, around 6, so they’re trying to stabilize her again.” He slowly nodded his head and I pulled my sandwich out of the bag. We ate in silence and the waiting game once again began. I heard heavy footsteps to my left and saw Molly and Steve jogging toward us. I jumped up from my seat, tears once again threatening to fall and I pulled Molly in to a hug. “How is she?” “They’re trying to stabilize her right now. They said she was convulsing when she arrived, and she started convulsing again after they almost had her stabilized the first time. I’m guessing they brought her temperature down since they haven’t said anything else about that, it was 105 when she showed up. She has some bruising around her face, and a breathing tube in right now. I am so sorry Molly, I am so sorry.” She grabbed my face in hers hands and forced my eyes to look in to hers. “This isn’t your fault Max. You weren’t with her.” I shook my head, they obviously didn’t know. “I asked her to marry me yesterday. I thought it was the right moment, I pulled the ring out and asked her and she said no. She said not yet. Things didn’t seem off between us at all, it was just a question I needed to ask, and as soon as it was over, we moved on. I didn’t think she would go out and do this though. I scared her away, I drove her to do this.” Steve reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder. “Max she loves you, this isn’t your fault. Please don’t blame yourself okay?” I slowly nodded my head and wiped away the remaining tears as we headed for the chairs and waited.

I stretched out in my seat, hearing every joint crack in relief. I looked up at the clock to see it was just before 10 AM. I looked to my right and saw Lillianah's parents sleeping and Flower reading a magazine on the other side of them. I stood up and headed to the nurses station. "Do you have any new information on Lillianah Jenkins?" I asked as I rubbed the back of my hand over my eyes. I watched as she pulled out a chart and shifted through some papers. "Nothing since this morning, I can go check for you if you'd like." I nodded my head, "please, I would appreciate that." She walked away and I stood there tapping my fingers on the desk waiting patiently. I looked up to see the nurse approaching me with a doctor. "Are you family to Lillianah Jenkins?" "Fiancé," I answered as I motioned for Flower to wake her parents up and join me. Once Molly and Steve were by my side the doctor continued. "She just got out of a CT scan and there is severe swelling of her brain and some bleeding, so we are going to have to perform surgery right away, they are taking her to prep right now. Once we have the swelling under control the bleeding should stop, but there is always that slight chance it won't. If it doesn't there is a high risk she may suffer a stroke. These are all very common with cocaine overdose cases, but she is in good hands. Dr. Heathman is our top neurosurgeon here and he will be performing the surgery. We will come let you know how she is doing once it is done." I continued to nod my head is disbelief. "How do you control the swelling with surgery?" "We extract a small part of her skull." It sounded barbaric to me, but whatever they had to do to bring my Lillianah back to me they would have to do. Steve thanked the doctor and we headed back to the chairs. "Steve, will she be okay?" Molly asked and Steve placed his hand on her thigh shaking his head. "Of course she will. She’s the strongest kid I have ever known, and we taught her to never give up." I wrapped my arm around Molly’s shoulders and I quietly cried along with her.

I kept my head down, resting in my hands, with my elbows on my knees. I swear I could hear the ticking of the minute hand on the clock a dozen feet away from me, and it was going very, very slow. I felt a small crowd gather around me and looked up in hope to see a doctor or a nurse, but I was met by Sid and Dan. I stood up and Danny placed a hand on my shoulder. “Sorry I missed practice coach, I-“ “Max, don’t apologize. How is she?” I took a deep, shaky breath and looked over at Steve and Molly, they were trying their damn hardest to stay awake. I went on to tell them about the surgery she went in for nearly two hours before and that we were still waiting to hear something, anything. “Do you need anything? Anything at the house, food?” I gave Danny a weak smile, this guy was a saint in my eyes. “Lil’s dog probably needs to get walked and fed. I’ve been here since 4:30. Food would be nice too, I don’t think Steve and Molly have eaten yet this morning.” He nodded his head and held out his hand. My hand went to my back pocket and I pulled out my wallet, grabbing some cash inside. “No Max, your keys. Put your money away, just give me your keys.” I slowly shoved my money back in my wallet and placed it back in my pocket, then pulled my keys out and handed them to him. He gave me a weak smile and headed out. “Does he know where I live?” I asked Sidney once Danny was out of sight. “Yeah, he asked me to take him by there on the way here, just in case you needed anything, then he could just go and get it.” I flashed him a weak smile and turned around to face the nurses station, I made eye contact with one of the nurses that has been here since I showed up and she looked through some papers. “Nothing yet Max,” she shouted to me and I gave her a small smile and turned back to Sid. “I can’t lose her,” I whispered as I swayed on my feet a little. Sid placed his hands on my shoulders, keeping me steady. Flower appeared next to me. “Come on Max, let’s go get some fresh air, if anything happens Sid will call me and we will come back in.” I looked between the two and Sid nodded to me. “You’ll call?” “Any news at all, I will call.” “Okay.”

We found a bench outside of the hospital in a quiet garden that was starting to bloom for spring. I kept my eyes on my feet though, not enjoying anything at that moment surrounding me. It was hard for me to think that somewhere within the building, Lillianah was lying on a table with part of her skull missing. Just the thought brought tears to my eyes again, just when I thought my tear ducts had run dry. “Remember when we played against each other our last year in juniors?” Flower asked and I brought my head up and wiped away my tears. “When you slashed me between the legs?” I laughed thinking back to our days in junior. “Only because you scored on me twice, and had two assists on top of that.” For the first time all day I smiled. “I was amazing back then.” “We use to be on top of the world. This is our year Max, we’re going to win the cup. We’re going to be on top of the world once again.” I nodded my head, everyone in the locker room had a good feeling about the playoffs. Ever since Danny came in, we became a tighter crew. In the seventeen games we’ve played with him as our coach, we’ve only lost five, three of those coming in overtime. All of my doubts, wiped clean. This is our year. Wait. What was I doing thinking about hockey? “I don’t know what I’m going to do if I lose her Marc.” “You’re not going to lose her. Lil is the strongest person I know, I mean she puts up with you doesn’t she? She’ll pull through this, and when she does she’ll have you to help her go through this rough patch.” I felt a twinge in my neck from the amount of nodding I had been doing as I nodded my head to Flower’s words. “Do you think she’ll need to go to rehab?” he asked after awhile. “I don’t know. I just want- need to see her.”

9 comments:

Zigh said...

Ugh so good! I'm so sad that this is happening, but I'm hoping this is the wake-up call she'll need.

I just wanna hug Max! It's hard to think of someone as easy going as him struggling through this.

Great update, glad you posted tonight but... now we gotta wait for the next one lol

Jessie said...

Okay, that was freakin good. And I agree even though I hate to say it.. maybe this is what Lil needs.

PeytonRose said...

Words cannot express how much I love this. && I agree with Zigh. I really hope this finally shows Lil that she has to stop with the drugs.

Poor Max though. He absolutely cannot lose her. She's his everything.

Btw when I looked and it said that chapter fifty three was up, I thought I was seeing things haha. I'll be on the edge of my seat until the next one!

Aeryn said...

Well my roommate officially thinks I'm insane, either that or that i'm bipolar... oh well only one more day with her.

Poor Max :( I can't even imagine going through this, Like everyone else said this better get Lil back on track.

Val said...

Wow, what an awesome bit of writing...you really, really conveyed the personal effect of a drug overdose not only on the person who overdoses, but the family and friends. I also love how Lil's parents totally supported Max...

Thanks for a great chapter and a quick post...

Susan said...

Strong! This post was just awesome! I'm really enjoying this blog, you just keep getting better and better.

Jay said...

Okay, so I started crying at work. I just... ugh. I feel so bad for Max. I was expecting a blow-out, something big, but not this. Wow.

Flower, he's such a good friend to Max. Being there for him, getting his mind off her, if only for a moment to think about hockey. And how about Disco Dan? What a class act.

This was the perfect chapter.

Heather said...

I'm kind of with everyone else. I agree I think Lil did need this. She wouldn't tell Max before, well now he knows. Now he can help her.

Poor Max... I want to hug him too... And take all of his sadness...

The two posts were awesome, but Zigh right, now we have to wait!

kate+tavin said...

Hell, you've had it written for a month??

Ah, the angst. Things will all work out in the end...