Thursday, April 23, 2009


Max's POV 

Dumbstruck and angry, I got up from the couch and headed to her bedroom. I tapped on the door a few times and all I could hear on the other side was sobbing. This wasn't the Lillianah I know, the Lillianah I know is a strong woman. This was going to be harder than I thought. I tried the door handle, but it was locked. "Lil, please, let me explain." I waited, and waited and tapped once more. "Lil, please?" I tried the handle again and this time it was unlocked. I swung the door open slowly and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed looking defeated. "Why the sudden change of heart?" She whispered as I sat down next to her and took her hand in mine. "I didn't send those text messages Lil. You have to believe me. I fell asleep after my parents left and when I woke up the boys were there, including Tanger. It had to of been him. You mean too much to me to just let you go." Her hand wrapped around mine and she gently squeezed before taking a deep breath. "I am so . . . sorry Max. I just, I . . . I don't . . .-" "It's okay Lil, I understand. Just listen to me for a second okay? I love you so much. We all make mistakes. I know I do all the time. So I forgive you for what happened. Tanger I will take care of later, just promise me it will never happen again, with anyone." She nodded her head before tucking her leg up underneath her so she was facing me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear, "I promise you. I love you too." I wrapped my arms around her waist and fell back on to the bed, pulling her on top of me. She was more comfortable than King hands down.

I woke up some time later and crawled out of bed, leaving Lillianah to rest. I looked around her room and brought it upon myself to finish packing the rest of her clothes. I pulled out all the bags and suitcases she had and went to town. She belonged with me, in my apart- OUR apartment. As I riffled through her stuff I came across a stack of photo albums. Intrigued I picked them up and slid my way back in to the bed, leaning back against the wall with the books laid out over my legs. I opened the first and my heart immediately fluttered. Was that really her? I have never, ever been attracted to blonds before, yet in this photo a very blond Lillianah was smiling looking absolutely gorgeous. I looked down at her sleeping next to me and could see her blond roots poking through her black hair. I smiled down on her and brought my attention back to the photo albums. Page after page was filled with pure joy of her with her family. Where did things turn so sour? The last page of the first book showcased a black and white photo of Lillianah when she was probably a year or two old in just a diaper and a watering can in her hand. She was watering the concrete and her white blond hair stuck out all over the place. I could only imagine if our kids would have blond hair? I inhaled sharply at my thoughts and quickly closed the book. "What are you doing?" she mumbled as she leaned up on her elbow. "I found some photo albums. You were pretty blond." She sat all the up next to me and grabbed the bottom album off my lap. She flipped through the pages and landed on one before setting it on my lap. "I wasn't always blond," she laughed as I looked down at the photos and saw a teenager with bright, vibrant pink hair. "It only lasted a week or two though," she smiled before crawling out of the bed completely. I watched her as she looked at the bags on the ground filled with her clothes. "You're really not mad at me?" She asked just above a whisper. I got up from the bed and walked up to her, wrapping my arms around her waist. "Letting you go would have been the biggest mistake I could ever make. I'm mad at Tanger, not you."

When I reached the bottom of the steps in her building I had to drop all the bags and brace myself against the wall. "You okay?" she asked but I didn't bring my eyes up from the ground. "Dizzy, it's okay, it will pass. Just another symptom of having a concussion." Once the room stopped spinning I looked up and smiled at Lillianah. I bent back over and grabbed her bags and we headed out to the car. I could tell she was uneasy in the car ride so I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Are you sure we're going to be okay?" she asked after I pulled up to my building. "We'll be more than okay, we'll be great. Now let's get inside, it's getting late. I'll cook you dinner." We made our way in to the apartment and she immediately crashed on the couch as I rummaged through the kitchen to find something to cook. Pasta. Simple and easy. "I'm going to unpack a little bit," I hear Lillianah say to me over my shoulder. I nod my head as I continue to fill the pot with water. Once dinner was done I headed for the bedroom to grab Lillianah. I walk in to see her pacing the room with a stack of folded clothes in her hands. "Hey, you okay?" I asked and she stops with her back to me and slowly turns around. "Um, yeah. I just, uh, I kind of feel out of place. I don't know why, this is the only place I want to be, yet I feel like I don't belong here." I walk up to her and grab the clothes out of her hands, setting them down on the bed. I grab her hand and drag her out of the room. I pull her in to the formal dining room that has remained untouched since I moved in, but the huge bay windows framing downtown Pittsburgh is the reason I bought the place. I placed her in front of the windows and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, resting my chin on her shoulder. "Out there, the city, hundreds upon thousands of people are walking around, working, eating, playing, yet here we are. You and I. Tucked in a tiny corner of a huge city I stand here with you in my arms and there's no place else I would rather be. When you're not here, I like to look out this window and think about where you could be at that very moment, and how much I wish you were here, in my arms. I want you to feel like this is where you belong, but I can't force anything on you. I want this to be your place as much as it is mine." She turned in my arms and wrapped her arms around my neck, placing a sweet, gentle kiss on my neck. "You're the perfect man to fall in love with, you know that?" I smiled and kissed her before dragging her in to the kitchen for dinner.

Lillianah's POV

Millions of things were running through my mind. What in the world was going on? Was Kris that ballsy to send me those text messages from Max's phone? With a few deep breaths I cleared my mind of all thoughts. If he said things between us were going to be okay, they were going to be okay. I grabbed my bags from the entry way and headed in to the bedroom to start unpacking. If this was going to be a permanent thing, which I could only hope it would be, I wanted to unpack rather than leave my things in bags. I set my bags down on the bed and pulled out a hand full of hangers from the closet. It was obvious Max had already made plenty of room for me in his room as half of his closet was empty, as well as half of his dresser. I hung up my clothes and then grabbed out the handfuls of underwear Max had stuffed in to the side pockets of my duffel bag. I pulled out his top drawer, which also happened to be his underwear drawer and threw my underwear in. I stuffed my hands down on the soft clothes to make as much room as possible but I felt a sharp edge hit the palm of my left hand. I picked up his black boxer briefs and found a small black box. What's that old saying? Curiosity kills the cat? I picked the box up and pulled the top off, to reveal a velvet box. A velvet ring box. I quickly looked up at the door and outside I could hear Max whistling in the kitchen. I dumped the velvet box in my hand and flipped open the top. If I were a cat, I'd choke on my own hair ball and die. Before I could even comprehend what it was, I closed the top and shoved it back in the box, back under his underwear. Temporarily blinded by the shiny stone I shoved the drawer shut and turned around and grabbed a stack of folded shirts. I headed for the closet, then back to the dresser, back to the closet, and once again back to the dresser. I didn't know where to go, scared of what I would find next. "Hey, you okay?" Startled I stop in my tracks and slowly turn around to see Max standing in the door way wiping his hands with a kitchen towel. "Um, yeah. I just, uh, I kind of feel out of place. I don't know why, this is the only place I want to be, yet I feel like I don't belong here." It wasn't true, none of what I said was true, expect for the part where I told him this was the only place I wanted to be. I just panicked. It wasn't everyday you find a huge diamond ring in the underwear drawer.

"What's your view on children?" I asked and heard the clanking of silver to china. I looked up from my empty wine glass to see Max choking on his pasta. Well that answered that question. I held his water up for him and he drank half of it. "They're cute . . . ?" I quickly filled my glass up with the rest of the wine, polishing off a vintage bottle of Merlot. "Do you want kids of your own?" I finally asked to make my original question more clear. "Right now? No. In ten years? Probably. Do you?" I poked at the pasta and lifted my glass wine to my mouth once again. "You know about my view on families, I'd like to change that though, but I don't know. Someday before I'm 40." And the conversation died there. After I finished my wine and and poked some more at my pasta I picked my plates up and headed in to the kitchen. I stood at the sink, hands griping the counter, my eyes looking down at my feet. When I felt his hands on my waist I didn't flinch, I almost expected him to do that. I felt him brush my hair away from my shoulder and his hot mouth found my neck. A small bite brought a moan out of my mouth from deep in my chest. "I want to give you whatever you want, and if that's children before you're 40, then you'll have children before you're 40." I sank in to his body as his teeth once again clenched down on the crook of my neck. I brought my hand up and ran my fingers through his hair as he bit down my shoulder and back up my neck. The moment was broken as my cell phone rang from the counter. "You should probably answer that," he mumbled in to my neck, the bites now turning in to sweet kisses. I leaned to my right and picked up my phone and answered it. "Lilly, Kevin here, I haven't heard back from you." Max's attack on my neck almost had me hang up the phone right then. "Oh hi Kevin, yeah, I don't think I want to work with you. It's not you personally, it's just something I don't want to get in to. It's a bad scene for me." Max's grip on my waist tighten and he sucked hard beneath my ear, more than likely leaving a mark. "What scene?" "The drugs Kevin, I've been sober for a year, I can't be tempted like that again. I'm sorry. Good luck to you." I quickly hung up the phone and spun around in Max's arms, attacking his mouth with mine. "As much as I want to make crazy mad love to you right now, I'm falling asleep," he mumbled against my lips and I could only smile.I pushed his toward the bedroom and I finished the dishes before joining him in bed. 

I lie on my side, watching Max sleep. His lips slightly parted and his right eye lid twitching every few seconds. As tired as I am, I can't seem to fall asleep as the image of the huge diamond ring I found in the drawer is stuck in my mind. Who's ring was that? Did he have a past girlfriend that he didn't tell me about? It sure as hell looked like an engagement ring to me. Maybe it was his grandmother's or something? It didn't look that old though. A birthday present for his mom? No, that just seems weird. I guess all I wanted to know was where it came from and who's was it? Max rolled over on to his side so we were face to face. I smiled as his arm, fell across my waist, his hand rested on my back. I brought my left hand up and gentle brushed across his beard on his jaw. I looked at my hand and imagined the ring on my ring finger. My eyes grew wide and I pulled my hand away from his face. Was that ring for me?

Saturday, April 18, 2009


Thank you guys for all the well wishes. I had to have a tiny hole drilled in my skull to relieve the pressure, so I'm sporting a super sexy bald spot on my head, but all is good now. No more headache, no more dizziness, just pure joy. So I'm so excited to get back in to this story, my mind has been running a mile a minute, and I'm finally able to sit down and type it all out! Pure joy I told ya!

Lillianah's POV

I sat there on the couch as the previous nights events began flooding back. I kissed him back. I really kissed him back. So much so that if we were at my apartment I would have invited him in. I was in shock, I was disgusted with myself. Why the hell did I do that? "You okay?" I snapped my head over to look at Max and gave him a weak grin while nodding my head. While inside I was screaming 'NO!'. I excused myself and headed to the bathroom. I grabbed the still wet wash cloth from earlier and patted my face down. I felt like I was going to have an emotional breakdown. This is what Max did to me. A few months ago I could care less that I kissed someone I shouldn't be kissing, but now with Max, I felt like my life was over. I didn't know what to do, do I tell him, do I just let it slide? I looked at my reflection in the mirror and barely recognized the person looking back at me. My red streaks in my hair were turning a cooper orange, there were bags under my eyes and above all my eyes almost looked like they were grey, nearly lifeless. I took a deep breath and headed back out in to the living room and sat back down next to Max, resting my hand on his knee.

Max jumped up off the couch about an hour later, grabbed my hand and dragged me in to the bedroom with him. "Something is wrong, will you please just tell me?" I looked from his eyes down to my hands in front of me. I knew I needed to tell him, if I didn't Kris would and that would make everything so much worse. "I kissed back," I mumbled not bringing my eyes up. "You what? You kissed back?" The tone of his voice sent daggers through my heart. I looked up at him and his eyebrows were pointed and his cheeks were turning red. I turned around and headed to the closet where I grabbed my bag and started throwing my clothes in to it. This was it. This was the end. "What are you doing?" I couldn't pick up the tone of his voice, he was so quiet, I couldn't tell if he was angry, upset or confused. I opened my mouth, yet no words came out, instead I continued packing my things. I watched as he sat down on the end of the bed and held his head in his hands between his knees. Once my bag was stuffed full, I zipped it up, took a deep breath, wiped away the remaining tears and left the bedroom. "Oh dear, where are you going?" Lucie asked as I walked by. "I'm sorry, I got called in to work." I dropped my bags and approached them pulling each in to a hug. "I will see you next month," I smiled as I walked away, grabbed my bag and left his apartment. Part of me wanted Max to run out after me, so I walked as slowly as possible to the elevator. If I were him though, I would have let me walk out too. I stopped half way to the elevator, turned around and jogged back to the apartment. I flung the door open and walked in to the kitchen, right past Max sitting at the kitchen table with his parents. I felt his parents' eyes on me, but Max kept his head hanging. I bent down next to King and kissed him on top of his head, "I'll be back for you tomorrow okay bud? Love you," I whispered in to his ear before leaving without saying anything else.

Standing outside of my supposed new home, I didn't know where to go. Back to my apartment, a bar, a club, Alicia's. I just didn't know. I thought about going to the brewery, but quickly decided against that, that was Max's territory not mine. So I settled for a little dive bar only a few blocks down the road. I didn't care that it was only two in the afternoon, I needed a drink. I tossed my bag down next to a stool and took a seat. "You lovely lady are in dire need of a drink aren't ya?" the bartender asked as he stood in front of me. An older man with a full white beard, and a twinkle in his green eyes. "Yes sir, margarita on the rocks please," I smiled and watched as he walked to the other end of the bar to make my drink. "So tell me, what's on your mind," he smiled as he placed the drink in front of me. I wrapped my fingers around it and sucked down about half of it through the straw. I looked up into his eyes and immediately trusted him, he looked like a grandfather with years of wisdom, and probably filled with advice. "I might have just messed up the best thing that has ever happened to me." "Boyfriend?" I could only nod my head, trying to fight back the tears that were starting to form above my bottom eyelashes. "Did he cheat on you?" I looked up at him with a sad expression on my face before finishing off the margarita. "Other way around, can I get another please."

An hour later, and two more margarita's I felt myself nearly falling asleep at the bar. I heard the door open behind me and Steven, as I found the bartender's name to be, started laughing. I didn't think anything of it until he greeted the person. "How ya' doin' Kris? Season seems to be going well." My eyes grew wide. Kris? Season? I felt a man sit down at the bar a few seats down from me and I strained my eyes to look at him without moving my head, but my neck failed me and I looked over and our eyes locked. "Lil?" I took a deep breath and grabbed my bag and started making my way toward the front door. "Lil, wait!" I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to look in to those deep brown eyes. They didn't compare to the blueness of Max's and I wanted to throw up I was so sick of what I did. "What are you doing here?" "I was drinking Kris, what else do people do when they come to bars?" I watched as his eyes went from my face down to the bag I was holding. I quickly slid it behind me, holding on to it with both hands behind my back. "What's with the bag?" "What's with all the questions?" He sighed and jerked his head back to the bar. I took a deep breath and followed him. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?" he asked as his hand found my thigh. I quickly brushed his hand away. Steven looked at us and the expression on his face told me everything, he knew exactly what was going on. "Are you happy with yourself Kris? You succeeded, you broke Max and I up, but you know what, I will never go for you. Never. You're a home wrecker." If you could even call it a 'home'. I grabbed my bag once more and left ignoring him yelling for me.

I crawled in to my bed and shivered. Everything felt so cold in my apartment. I rolled around in my comforter, creating a cocoon around my body and tried to will myself to sleep. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and rolled around to loosen the tightness of the blanket and pulled my phone out. I flipped my phone open to find a text message from Max. Who are we kidding? My heart began to race and I felt my blood flowing quickly through my body. What are you talking about? I didn't want to hear his answer. Just like that he was over me. Two hours, that's all it took. I tried my hardest not to cry, but it didn't help. This whole dating thing. I started sobbing as I snapped my phone closed and dug my head in to my pillows. All I wanted to do was disappear.

Max's POV

I kept my head down as I sat at the kitchen table where my parents immediately joined me. "What the hell is going on Max?" my dad asked just as the front door swung open and Lil walked back in. I knew what she was doing, she was saying bye to King, just for the night. Sure enough, out of the corner of my eye I could see her kiss the top of his head, whisper in his ear and then leave. "Nothing dad, it's nothing," I finally answered as the door shut. I finally looked up at them and could tell they didn't believe me. "She got drunk at work, and Tanger was there, he walked her home, he kissed her, she kissed back." My dad's eyes grew wide. "That's what you're so pissed off about? A kiss? She was drunk." "It's inexcusable. I threw myself out there, I told myself she was going to be the only girl I would see. We'd be exclusive, and then she tells me she kissed him back." I hung my head once again, I didn't mean to raise my voice, but I was irritated. "At least she admitted it to you," my mom mumbled before she got up and headed in to the kitchen for some coffee.

Hugging my parents goodbye, I could barely talk. My mind was racing a mile a minute and I didn't want to say anything too stupid. "You need to talk to her Maxime, you can't just let that go," my mom said as she stepped out the front door. I nodded my head and shut the door after they made their way to the elevator. I collapsed on the couch and I heard King get up in the kitchen and make his way toward me. He shoved himself behind my legs, up against the couch and laid back down. I rubbed his belly with my toes and heard him huff in satisfaction. She did admit it to me, so I could at least listen to her explanation. I know if I were in her shoes I would want to explain myself. "Come here King." I bent over and picked up the huge puppy and laid down on the couch, resting him on my chest. His jowls flopped on my chest and he starred up at me. "You're eighty pounds of pure muscle I swear," I laughed as I scratched behind his ears and then threw my head back and stared up at the ceiling. The weight of the dog on my chest for a moment had me convinced that it was Lillianah laying on top of me, until I heard the loud snoring. 

I woke up some time later to find my apartment filled with the boys. I looked around confused as to how they all got in. "Spare key, remember?" Flower stated as if he was reading my mind. I nodded my head and picked King up off my chest and sat him down on the ground. I sat up on the couch and my eyes immediately fell on Tanger. "What the fuck are you doing here?" All eyes laid on me but I didn't break my eye contact with Tanger. "I was at the bar, where I ran into Lil by the way, and Geno met me there and now here we are." "You saw Lil?" I whispered it to him, as much as I wanted to sucker punch him, I wanted to know where he saw her. "Yeah she's pretty pissed off, what the fuck did you do?" My soft expression turned in to a glare and it took every ounce of will power in me to not strangle him. "Excuse me? What the fuck did I do? This is all your fucking fault. You just can't seem to find a girl of your own, so you came after mine. You're lucky I haven't rung you out to dry yet." Not wanting to look at him any longer I got up from the couch and headed for the kitchen. "What are you guys doing here anyways?" I asked as I saw Flower follow me. "We just wanted to see how you were doing, what the hell is going on Max? Where's Lil and what does Tanger have to do with it?" I poured myself a glass of water and drank half of it before sending another glare to the back of Tanger's head. "She got drunk at work, so he walked her home and then proceeded to make out with her on the other side of my front door." "So she was the one that was drunk?" I nodded my head as I finished off my water. "That slimy bastard. So where's Lil?" "Probably at her place, after she told me I really didn't say much so she packed a bag and left, I fell like shit now since I didn't stop her." 

I don't know why the hell I was sitting there with the guys. I should have kicked them out long ago and gone out to find Lillianah. I got up from the couch once again and headed to the kitchen where I picked up my phone. No new messages, no missed calls, nothing. "Alright guys, either you leave now, or you leave before I get back," I stated as I pulled my shoes and coat on by the front door. I watched as Geno and Crosby threw their arms in to the air and stretched. I didn't wait any longer to see what they would do, I was out the door. Who was I kidding? Lillianah is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I wasn't going to let her walk away that easily. It's not like she wants Kris. I know she doesn't. She wouldn't dare. The only reason she did was because he put his charm on and she was so drunk that she didn't even remember. I stepped out in to the brisk cold air and decided to walk. I felt a little dizzy and wasn't trusting myself behind the wheel. Within minutes I found myself outside of her building and could only hope that she was home. I made my way up the stairs and stood in front of her door, bracing myself against the wall. The hallway had started spinning and I needed to gain my composure before knocking. I finally took one last deep breath and knocked on her door five times firmly. The door flung open a few seconds later to a crying Lillianah. "What the fuck?" She shouted as she walked away and crashed down on her couch where there were crumbled tissues lying all over the ground. I walked in and shut the door behind me. "Why are you here?" she asked through her sobs. I walked over to the couch and sat down beside her. "Because I love you Lil, and I'm not going to let a little kiss ruin what we have." She looked over at me with wide eyes before rolling them at me grabbing her phone off the coffee table. She flipped it open and pulled something up. She handed me the phone and then walked away, in to her bedroom where she slammed the door behind her. I looked down at the phone 'this whole dating thing'. Confused I went to her last message and read it. I didn't send these. Then my mind wandered back to earlier with the guys. It had to of been Tanger. That piece of shit. 

Thursday, April 2, 2009

dun dun dun . . .

So it's kind of funny really, I give Max a concussion, then I get one myself. 

This is the THIRD grade 3 concussion I've suffered in my life, and they seem to get worse with each one. Maybe I should donate my brain when I die? Anyways, long story short, was heading to the airport with my boy toy to pick his parents up, I was bending over grabbing my phone out of my purse, BAM, rear ended a truck going 55 MPH, head into the dashboard. So a CT scan and many pain killers later, I'm now finally able to string words together to make coherent sentences. I actually just read something I wrote two days after the accident and couldn't help but laugh, it was like dyslexia to the max, but it's also very scary to think that's what happens to your brain. 

So I'm working on the next chapter, I just hate going more than a week without updating, it makes me feel disconnected. 

So thanks to all that read and comment, and thanks for being patient. =)