Holy crap, I know right? So this is shorter than what I was hoping it to be, but I wanted to wrap this up before I started new things for Lil and Max. I had a rough month of May and wasn't able to write, like at all, so hopefully June will be good to me.
I tired to enjoy the things Max was doing to me in bed, but I just couldn't. Did he honestly ask me to go to Vegas and get hitched? "Did you come?" he breathed heavily in to my ear. I thrusted my chest in to his and moaned a 'yes'. I just wasn't in to it, I was completely turned off. After Max withdrew himself I kissed him and crawled out of bed heading for the shower. If he didn't noticed I was turned off, or that something was wrong he was a damn fool. I allowed the hot water to rush over me, letting the heat clear out my head. When I walked out of the bathroom I was somewhat relieved to find Max already asleep. I didn't want to talk, I wasn't in the mood. I crawled under the covers and felt Max reach out for me and pull me up against his chest. He kissed my neck and we both fell asleep.
When I opened my eyes I rolled over to find Max sitting up against the head board looking down at me. I took a deep breath and sat up while running my fingers through my hair. "What the hell was that about last night?" I winced at his tone of voice and dropped my head finding my finger nails more interesting than anything else at that moment. "You said something last night that freaked me out." "What did I say?" His voice suddenly calmer. I looked up in to his eyes to see that they were soft and full of concern. "You asked if I wanted to go to Vegas and get married." "And I was being serious. I still am, we're young, let's do something crazy. Let's go." I shook my head and looked back down at my hands. "Max, I know my views on relationships are unconventional, just like yours are, but I'm still a girl. When I get married, whenever that will be, it's not going to be a shotgun wedding, and it definitely won't be in Vegas. I want a traditional wedding, I'm sorry." He nodded his head in understanding and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Then let's plan a traditional wedding." I brought my head up from his shoulder and looked in his eyes. "Max, we're not getting married. Not now anyways, it's too soon. Why all of a sudden all of this wedding talk?" He tore his eyes away from me and pulled me in closer to him. He reached over and linked his hand with mine. "I'm scared I'll lose you. I never want to lose you." "Get a new cell phone." His grip on my hand tightened. "What?" "Get a new cell phone. I already know I screwed up, and it's a damn miracle that you forgave me, but if it was the other way around, I don't know how I would react. Get a new cell phone, I saw all your contacts when I had to call Marc after you passed out. It's too much of a temptation. You do that small thing for me and you'll never lose me." He laughed a little before he leaned down and kissed my cheek. "It's a strange request, but one I will fulfill for you. I know my cell phone is like a little black book, but I haven't used it to my advantage since I met you." "And I believe you."
The taxi ride to the airport was a silent one. Max just seemed to be out of it. "Are you okay?" I finally asked not being able to handle the silence any longer. He threw his head back against the seat closing his eyes tight. "You really want to get married don't you?" "I don't want kids." He blurted out and I had to take a moment of time to decipher what he said. "Max, where is this all coming from?" He turned in his seat so he was looking at me and took my hand in his. "I want to give you everything you want, but that's one thing I just can't see myself doing." I nodded my head in understanding. If I didn't think this relationship was that serious, I was dead wrong. Marriage, children, for damn sake's we're living together after only being together for two months. "Ever?" He squeezed my hand just as we pulled up to the airport. "I don't know. I know I told you I would give you children, but just thinking about it, I can't. I'll be a terrible father." His words stung my heart, Max really had no idea. I left the conversation at that anyways, this was way too soon to be discussing children and marriage. I didn't want to scare him away and I didn't want to run away. I could see those two options becoming realities if we didn't watch our mouths.
I got my answer. I knew the minute we got home I would stash the ring in my safe and not pull it out for a while. I didn't know any other way to ask her to marry me than the way I did, by bringing up Vegas. Sure it ruined a night of what could have been amazing sex, but I got my answer. She's not ready. She's no where near ready. Now that we were clearing up the unknown answers that had been eating away at me, in an unconventional way, I thought I would let her know one too. "I don't want kids." I could feel her tense up next to me in the back of the cab. "Max, where is this all coming from?" I could tell she was disappointed and slightly rattled. I don't even know why I was bringing up the big topics, I guess I just needed to know, and it would be good for her to know too. To see if we were in this for all the right reasons, not just amazing sex. "I'll be a terrible father." Once the words left my mouth I saw her eyes begin to water. I knew she wasn't going to cry, that she would fight back those tears but I felt terrible for making her fight them. Just when I was about to retract my last statement I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text message from Flower. Therrien was fired. "Holy shit." Lillianah snapped her head over to look at me. "What? What's wrong?" "Coach was fired." I brought my head up from my phone and looked in to her eyes. "Is that a good or a bad thing?" I looked everywhere but at her trying to answer that question. I honestly didn't know. "I don't know." I had a feeling it was going to happen, I just didn't think it would happen mid-season.
Back in Pittsburgh I sat on the couch and watched as Lillianah laid on her back on the ground and allowed King to lick all over her face. I was pretty sure her dog didn't like me, I never got a warm welcoming like that when I came home. I thought back to my childhood and how my mom hated dogs, but she allowed us to have a cat. Two boys with a cat. What were we going to do with a cat? We treated the poor thing like a dog. Taking it on walks with a leash, tried endlessly to run around the yard with it, but the damn thing would always run away. Maybe having a dog around and taking some responsibilities for it would help my mindset on the future idea of children. I've always heard the suggestion of newlyweds getting pets before children. That's where I had to shake my mind free of my thoughts though, we weren't newlyweds. Hell we were new to the whole relationship idea. I had to get my mind off of things, I had to stop obsessing over our relationship and where it was heading. "I want a tattoo," I suddenly announced. I don't know who looked more shocked, Lillianah or myself. "Of what?" she asked as a smile appeared on her face. "I don't know, something cool though, on my back, or shoulder." “Do you want me to call Alicia and see if she’s working?” she asked as she rolled over on to her stomach and grabbed her purse off the ground. “Sure,” I swallowed hard when she pulled her cell phone out of her purse. Sure I could handle a puck in the gut, I could play on a broken foot, I can take a punch to the face, but getting a tattoo? I don’t know about that.
I found myself laying on my stomach as Alicia wiped my upper back down with alcohol. After looking at Lillianah’s tattoos before we left, I was actually getting excited about the idea of getting inked, but I still knew it was an excuse to trick my mind in to focusing on something else. As we walked to the tattoo parlor we talked about what I would get and I told her I wanted the Fleur de lis tattoo she has on her rib cage, and she thought it would be a great idea to get that across my upper back. So here I am, palms sweaty. I didn’t want to look like a pussy in front of my girlfriend, I knew I had play it cool. She’s covered in tattoos, it can’t be that bad . . . right?
I couldn’t believe what I was watching. I knew Max was trying to act strong, like he could handle the needle that was scrapping across his back. There were a few times where I thought he was going to jump up and be done, but he would take a few deep breaths and refocus himself. “So Max, are we going to tattoo Lil’s initials on your lower stomach to match that tattoo of her’s too?” Alicia laughed as she scrapped along his shoulder blade. Max moved his head to the side and looked at me. I couldn’t wipe away the smile on my face. “Ha . . . ha, that . . . that was very funny.” Alicia and I both laughed and then Max did the one thing I didn’t think he would do. He reached out for me to hold his hand. I held on and every once and a while he would give me a hard squeeze.
Two hours later Alicia set her tools down, wiped down Max’s back one last time and took her gloves off. She handed him a mirror and pointed toward the full length mirror toward the front of the store. I looked at it as he walked away and it looked awesome. I followed him to the mirror. “Wow,” he smiled as he looked at it. I stood next to him and pulled up my shirt so we could look at both his and mine, and they looked exactly the same, except for the fact that mine was vertical while his was horizontal. I stepped behind him and looked at it closer. A wide smile came to my face when I saw the number 25 in roman numerals blended in to the design. “Your number is on here too,” I smiled as he held the hand held mirror up again to try and see it. He stepped back closer to the full length mirror and really strained his eyes to see it. “Oh hey, that’s cool. Thanks Alicia, this thing is awesome.” Alicia just smiled to herself as she cleaned up her work station. “Your first tattoo, congratulations,” I smiled as I leaned up and kissed him. We walked back over to Alicia and she wrapped him up in cling wrap. “Okay my turn, what do I want?” He looked over at me shocked. “You’re going to get another? Of what? Where?” I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, Alicia what do you think?” “Didn’t you want to blend King’s name in to your headdress?” A smile crawled on to my face. “Yeah, I forgot about that. What do you say? Do you have time?” “For you, always,” she smiled and I sat down on the chair, pulling my hair away from my neck.
That hurt like a mother fucker. I couldn’t imagine what it felt like on your neck. I watched in amazement as Lillianah had ‘King’ drawn in to her headdress on the side of her neck. Her eyes fluttered shut and I was in complete awe. I would be crying if that needle was on my neck. I was proud of myself though, for having sat through two and a half hours of pain. Now I felt like Lillianah and I connected on something at a deeper level. We did something together I never thought we would. It did the trick though, I was no longer thinking about marriage or children. I was back to the non-serious Max I have always been. I wanted to have fun with Lillianah. Continue to fall in love with her and do spontaneous things like this. There was no need to rush in to anything. The ring was back in the safe, where it will stay until we both know for sure that we’re ready to take this relationship to the next level.